A Pastor’s Journey Between Authenticity and Influence
As a pastor that has answered the call on my life, I often find myself living in the tension between being true to that calling and navigating a Christian culture that equates success with public notoriety and a large platform. I’ve been faithful to the call on my life as a pastor, yet without the public notoriety that many might expect or strive for. This isn’t about playing the victim or complaining about an unfair situation; instead, it’s about owning where I am, understanding the dynamics at play, and submitting to the unique journey I have walked with God.
Authenticity is a high value for me. It means being the same person wherever I am and whatever I’m doing. Whether I’m leading a small group, mentoring one-on-one, or living within the rhythms and routines I’ve created, I aim to remain consistent in my character and calling. I have discovered that consistency isn’t being rigid or reluctant to try something new, but about living in alignment with who God has made me to be, regardless of external circumstances.
I’m fully aware that my current reality is shaped by more than just external factors. My own shortcomings, the lies I’ve believed, and the negative thoughts I’ve allowed to influence my thinking have all played a significant role. A major part of my journey has been recognizing these things and repenting—not in a self-punishing way, but in a transformative, life-giving way. Repentance for me has looked like a shift in perspective, a change in the way I believe and think, and a renewed commitment to partnering with God in every area of my life toward increase.
One of the key lessons I’ve learned is that God is not threatened by me getting bigger or stepping into greater influence. Jesus didn’t rebuke His disciples when they asked Him who would be the greatest in the kingdom; instead, He redirected their focus to what true greatness looks like. Believing this truth has freed me from the bondage of being afraid. It’s not about whether I should remain content with my current level of influence or strive for something greater; it’s about aligning my desires with God’s redemptive process for my life.
Do I want to stay where I am, or do I want to step into a new level of influence? The answer isn’t as straightforward as it might seem. I’ve repented of any beliefs (that I’m aware of) that have kept me small out of fear or false humility. I’ve come to understand that there’s nothing wrong with desiring more, as long as it’s rooted in a genuine desire to fulfill God’s purpose for my life. If that means stepping into a greater level of influence, then I’m good with that. If it means continuing to faithfully serve in the quiet, unnoticed places, I’m good with that too.
One story that has ministered to me throughout my process is the story of Gideon. When the angel of the Lord showed up and called him a “mighty warrior,” Gideon’s first response was one of inferiority. He saw himself as the least in his family, from the weakest clan in Manasseh, but God saw something different. The inferiority Gideon believed was a lie, and through God’s process, Gideon came to see himself as God saw him. He became powerful not by his own strength, but by embracing the truth of his identity in God.
My journey is ongoing. I’m learning to embrace who I am, take responsibility for my reality, and align myself with God’s truth. Whether I remain in the background or step into a broader platform, my aim is to stay true to the call on my life, to be authentic, and to partner with God in whatever way He leads. This is my redemptive process, and I’m committed to walking it out with faith and courage.