Living in the Light: The Power of Disclosure Over Discovery

I’ve learned the hard way that hiding is easy, but healing is impossible in the dark. For years, I didn’t think of myself as secretive—I wasn’t lying, I wasn’t covering anything up, but I also wasn’t disclosing. I was holding things close and withholding information, leaving my wife to figure out what was going on with me. I left her with the task of discovering instead of choosing to disclose and by doing so, I created unnecessary pain in our marriage.

This wasn’t just about avoiding difficult conversations. It was about fear—fear of rejection, fear of judgment, fear of not being enough, and I see this same pattern not just in marriages, but in leadership, in ministry, and in life.

When people live in secret, eventually, those secrets are discovered. Unfortunately, when that happens, it causes damage—not just to the one hiding, but to everyone who trusted them. The church has seen this on a global scale. Leaders with enormous influence have lived in the shadows and when their hidden lives were exposed, it shattered the faith of many. Discovery is harmful. Disclosure is redemptive.

The Biblical Call to Live in the Light

Jesus said in John 4 that the Father is seeking those who will worship Him in spirit and in truth. That word “truth” in the original language means “nothing hidden.” To worship God in truth means to live a life of disclosure—nothing hidden, nothing waiting to be found out.

Paul echoed this in Ephesians 5:8-9, saying, “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light.” Living in the light isn’t just about morality—it’s about relational health. It’s about integrity. It’s about trust.

Hiding is what Adam and Eve did in the garden when they felt shame, and ever since, humanity has been tempted to do the same thing. However, hiding never leads to freedom, it only leads to fear, isolation and eventual exposure. The kingdom way isn’t concealment—it’s confession. Not as a means of punishment, but as a path to healing.

The Pain of Discovery vs. the Courage of Disclosure

The difference between discovery and disclosure is the difference between betrayal and bravery. When something is discovered, the people affected feel deceived. They ask, how long has this been happening? Why didn’t you tell me? They wrestle with whether they ever really knew the person at all, but disclosure is an act of courage. It says, I trust you with the real me. It builds bridges instead of burning them. It cultivates trust instead of suspicion.

In my marriage, I learned that withholding—even subconsciously—was a form of self-protection that didn’t actually protect me or Bourne. It distanced us. It created unnecessary confusion and pain, but as I leaned into and faced what I was afraid of, I realized that disclosure wasn’t about dumping every thought and struggle onto someone. It was about trust. It was about choosing to be known.

The Key to Disclosure: Trusted Relationships

Here’s the challenge: you can’t disclose to people you don’t trust. Sadly, many don’t live in the light because they don’t have trusted relationships where they feel secure enough to be honest.

This is where the church, at its best, is meant to shine. We were designed for community. James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you may be healed.” Healing happens in disclosure, but we need the right people to disclose to—trusted friends, mentors, and leaders who won’t weaponize our honesty, but will walk with us through it.

If you don’t have those relationships, that’s the first step. Build them. Invest in them. Find people who love Jesus, love you and are mature enough to hold space for your honesty without condemning you.

Leading with Nothing Hidden

If we want to be healthy people, healthy leaders, healthy believers, we need to resist the temptation to hide. We need to be bold enough to live with nothing hidden, and that starts by choosing disclosure over discovery.

I’ve learned that people are often far more gracious than we give them credit for. We fear rejection, but more often than not, honesty deepens trust. Living in the light is the only way to build relationships, marriages and ministries that can stand the test of time.

So, ask yourself: Am I living in the light? Or am I leaving things for people to discover? The difference is everything.